#13) You don’t care if you end up in prison for cutting pillow tags.
#12) You wonder if the reason Rapunzel’s hair was so long was because she screamed at the hairdresser and her mother couldn’t take it.
#11) You seek out children with buzzcuts as playmates for your child because he doesn’t understand that hair pulling feels bad to most people.
#10) Putting on your child’s seatbelt counts as your daily cardio.
#9) Your child wears jogging pants to his First Communion.
#8) You equate Disney World with Hell.
#7) When your child is missing and the first place you look is on top of your refrigerator.
#6) Your son tells you the bug he ate was really crispy.
#5) You generously tip your child’s hairdresser — with Prozac.
#4) Your child goes to sleep with sweatpants, ski pants, snowmobile suit, and a full backpack and it’s the middle of summer.
#3) You carry ear protection meant for the shooting range in your diaper bag.
#2) You don’t care if your child looks like Edward Scisscorhands because you hate cutting their nails.
#1) You’re worried more about the sound of the fire alarm than the actual fire.
OMG… this is hilarious and so true… but you forgot to add… I don’t care if my kid farts in public and then makes a penguin noise after… because we know everyone does it…
and
I don’t care if my daughter meows like a cat when she is happy…
Hair brushing brings threats of death and “I Hate you.”
Your kid will only wear one style of shirts (and pants and socks and undies)
He’s rather grow a beard at 14 then shave.
Any drop of water on his clothes has to be changed instantly.
Ice cream is microwaved because it’s too cold.
couches are routinely used as trampolines
Celebrated when you found tag less tshirts!
Considerate it normal to trim the seams inside socks.
Love the dry shampoo product for “bathing” issue week.
have a daily argument regarding wearing the same pair of shorts everyday, even in the dead of winter
literally tuck your child in at night with a heavy fuzzy blanket, even when it’s 90 degress outside at night
consider murdering the sales clerk when they tell you the company has discontinued the style of sock your child wears.
All the pencils, erasers and Legos have tooth marks on them from being chewed. And shirts are worn out from being chewed on long before they’re outgrown.
How about forget the tags on tee shirts, what about the seam line!!!
Thanks! I never considered microwaving my ice cream. I agree it can be too cold coming from the frig.
I’m so thankful my “sensory issues” are very mild. But, I constantly have to ask my husband to turn down the volume (which probably isn’t too loud for ordinary mortals) and I struggle with all the gardening sounds that are polluting the environment.
Isn’t it good to know we never outgrow some things…. 😉
…Well, this clinches it for me. I’ve been thinking that my Kiddo is an SPD kiddo for years now – but the pediatrician just tells me he’s “spirited”. Time to schedule that evaluation I keep putting off.
You’re so happy to find children’s underwear your child will happily wear (no exposed elastic) that you buy 15 of them for now… and 15 of them in the next size up for later.
Or, you have given up trying to have him wear pants that reach the bottom of his ankle. Even in the winter. Or ever having exposed forearms.
I wonder if the earmuffs are for you or the kid…? In my case, it might have been for me, if I had thought of it. We have a mall with a play area in one hallway that we used the crap out of when ds was little enough to play in it. For the years that we played there, starting within a week or two of us starting to go there, one of the stores with a door right next to the play area kept their door closed, with a sign outside that said “Come in! We’re open!” After we stopped going there, they started keeping their door open again. O.o And I had to LIVE with that noise.
You know all the toilets at malls that have paper for drying hands and don’t have noisy hand dryers.
You are known as the parent who will buy clothing in every color because they have no tags and are made of a natural fibre.
Throwing out shoes that are too small illicits tears.
Wearing no socks is normal – even in winter.
Taking earplugs to the cinema is normal.
Your child complains of torture to strangers. ( she doesn’t mention the hair brushing)
One child purrs when happy.
You have warmed and cooled dinner 10 times before getting the perfect temp.
You would rather hang upside down from a tree then wash his hair
You know every bathroom that has a “quiet, handle flush” toilet
How about the child who can’t be in a crowd because “everyone has a smell” and it overwhelms him…he needs to hang upside down to think better…he can’t get dizzy and so has to spin and spin and spin. One child who can’t wear socks with seams, and another who NEEDED to feel things on his feet and so walked around barefooted all the time…
Neat to come across this post. I empathize and can totally relate about this! To hear the seams on the socks issue and the pants touching the top of the foot is amazing, that I didn’t know other kids had. So she puts the socks on to keep the pants from touching the foot, and the socks have a seam problem. The hair has always been an issue since day one. I have to say the screaming hand dryers in the bathrooms are terrible!
I love this list! Really made me laugh, especially as I’d just been in and sighed to see my 8 yr old son sweltering in his all-in-one sleepsuit under his duvet in his hot room!
I read the Edward Scissorhands one to my husband who is revolted by our son’s fingernails but has never managed to persuade him to have them cut.
Every morning when he dresses, my son places a pair of socks at the front door – only to be put on at the very last minute before leaving the house. His socks get threadbare quickly even so because he rotates the same 3 pairs.
You are convinced that everyone else’s child bathes, brushes teeth and changes clothes without a Ross Greene collaborative problem solving discussion.
Public pool person telling you that everyone has to get out before the hour is up is a recurring nightmare. Or PTSD episode. Or both.
Lady shhing your kid in the hallway because he is yelling to cope with the pain in his ears because the building is TOO ECHOEY!!!
Disneyland is for lunatics.
Yellow dye in food is for morons.
Red dye in prescription leads you to ask, do we really need this?
You say without apology: gee lady if you made sure your pocketbook didn’t wack little kids in the head, they probably wouldn’t kick you…
If you are on an airplane and someone asks you very nicely to let them get out ahead of you for medical reasons, and you say no way forcing the crowd phobic child to be squeezed between the seats, You have NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME FOR THE SCREAMING.
If you are the flight attendant who read the three letters from doctors explaining the need to disembark right away and you refused to make the “stay in your seats, we have a medical need to leave first” announcement, well he’ll has a special place in it for you.