Attention Doomsday Promoters! We Special Parents Have Enough to Worry About with School Calls. Keep the Bad News to Yourself.

Will Patty (pictured here in Minneapolis with Mary Tyler Moore) make it past May 21 afterall?

Last week, we were in Minnesota speaking for the Autism Society of Minnesota (AUSM) when we decided to spend  time exploring the cultural sights (OK pubs) of downtown Minneapolis. We were amazed at the treasure trove of things we found. “Look Gene! The Mary Tyler Moore statue! Take a picture of me with her!” Once we realized the Minnesota natives were simply friendly and not out to harm us (“Why is that man in the elevator smiling at us, Pat? Dear God, he’s going to kill us right here!”) we felt right a home. Of course, the outside tequila bar we discovered helped put us at ease, especially decision-challenged Patty who couldn’t decide what type of tequila to have in her margarita.

“Here are your three margarita samplers without the margarita mix, Ma’am.”

“You know Gene. I like this City. I could really get used to it.”

We were so comfortable in the city, that we decided to forgo the Mall of America and walk the streets of downtown Minneapolis. We were skipping along when we came across a woman standing on top of a park bench and shouting from a megaphone. “Beware! The End of the World is Coming!” Then she handed us a pamphlet that explained it would be happening in just a few weeks. We were shocked. “May 21st! That’s too soon! I just paid $300 to get my hair straightened,” protested Patty.

Gina was completely disgusted, as well. “Look I just got my daughter back to school after two years. No way am I letting the world end and kill the free time I’ve been dying for.” She then took the pamphlet and threw it in the trash.

“Don’t do that!” shouted the woman on top of the park bench from her megaphone. “We’ll recycle it.” Patty, who was near a tequila-induced coma then asked, “Well if the world is going to end, why do we even bother recycling?”

The woman was at a loss for words. Yes, our not-so-bright Patty had managed to do something that the good people of Minnesota were too polite to do — to shut the woman up.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but as imperfect parents, we just don’t want to to be bothered with all this Doomsday talk, which seems to be everywhere. We face Doomsday every time we see the name of our childrens’ schools on caller ID.

What do you think? Are you tired of listening to the stories of plagues, financial ruin, and devastation? We face devastation all the time. “What! The Pharmacy ran out of Klonopin! What will we do?”