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OK, I’ll admit, when it comes to parenting, I’m not exactly perfect. I’ve been known to be a little loose with the rules and a little less structured than some parents should be.
“Mom, I cleaned by room.”
“Oh, Emmy, it looks beautiful, but where are all your clothes?”
“Oh, I hid them under the bed.”
“Look, I won’t tell Dad if you don’t.”
“Deal.”
While I may be many things as a parent, somewhat unorganized and daffy, there is one thing I’m proud to say I’m not — a bully. There does, however, seem to be a growing trend in this form of parenting. Now, don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I’ve been known to throw my weight around (all 110 pounds of it. Just kidding, I meant 120 — I gained a few), I just don’t think I could bring myself to bully them, since their lives are hard enough. The article below highlights the growing trend in bullying Moms.
What do you think?
Oh those poor babies! Here’s a hint for that mom: how about you make a better choice about what toys can go in the tub. Mom failed, not the kiddos!
I am a single mom with no help from anyone for my SN son. I am exhausted, frustrated and at my wits end most of the time. I am probably considered a bully in some peoples eyes but that is their opinion. While I have not sold my son’s toys on ebay or made him stand on a corner holding a sign, I have done things to punish him as a way to get his attention. For example, just this week he took toys to school so he could juggle them (he can’t juggle). He got in trouble and threw the teachers computer on the ground. I took the toys from him and threw them away just like I told him I would do. So if that is considered being a bully then so be it. But before that counselor or anyone else wants to label me as a bully they need to walk in my shoes first. They may end up being a bigger one than what I appear to be. Plus what works for one kid doesn’t always work for another so sometimes you have to be creative.
I wonder if this mom is smart enough to be raising kids, (and we all know that you can be a great mom even if you’re not that bright), but to post your abusive actions on ebay sounds down right stupid to me. It’s been said that you need to study, practice then take a test to drive a car legally, but there are no restrictions or tests for being a parent.
Angie, I think the difference is that what you did was strictly punishment, you didn’t go out of your way to degrade your child and put it out there for the world to see. Throwing away toys is a fair punishment sometimes, as long as it has been forewarned. 🙂
I really don’t see this as bullying! kids need to learn consequences for their actions. I have thrown my kids toys away because they chose not to pick them up and put them away. I have also made them pay for things they broke or do extra work to “pay” for items. I haven’t but I would sell their toys on ebay to help pay for a big item like that. I would not however put a picture of my kids on there or explain the situation, that is private! one of my biggest rules are if you don’t take care of your things and respect other people’s things you won’t have anything.
Sometimes I think we rely on kids to understand the consequences of their behavior way more than they are devolpmentally able to do. If the boys had been warned not to play with their toys in the tub then selling them was a logical consequence. I personally would never have guessed that it could cause that kind of damage, so I seriously doubt that they could. I realize that as adults we have to suffer consequences even if we didn’t anticipate them, however shouldn’t kids be allowed some slack. After all they are kids. Even if you do hold to having to pay for it being logical, it still doesn’t excuse making them pose for the picture and humiliating them. The other examples in this article aren’t logical in any way-they are abuse all the way around.
Throwing away toys that weren’t supposed to go to school is strict but not bullying. Throwing a computer is pretty major. I think that is responsible parenting and I applaud you for being able to do it.
Hum….it is so funny how times have changed. I was at the tail end of growing up with the notion that children should be seen & not heard, spankings: could be a communal effort, and if you swore you got your mouth washed out with soap. A friend of mine with a child with a diagnosis told me she saw a commercial saying we aren’t supposed to yell at our kids anymore. Hum. I think, for the most part, parents who crack, crack. We are mere humans and make mistakes. I’m not saying that we should go shake babies. I am saying we have to wise up on the currency that works with our kids. I took away every single toy my son had once (still surprised to this day I never got a CPS call from his screaming) because he was hitting me- at three. Having no other voice at the time to say: stop hitting your mother! I had to get creative. It worked. Now I just have to threaten it. My favorite is something I got from the Simpsons: Bart! I am going to erase all of your saved video games if you don’t (fill in the blank). I don’t think these parents are bullies for feeding hot sauce or posting a crying picture. I think this is just the day & age where technology gets the story out all over the world, rather than just maybe a few eye rolls in the neighborhood gossip vine. They cracked. They didn’t murder their kids. For that we have to give them props.
I don’t think selling toys to pay for damage kids KNOWINGLY caused with those toys is wrong.
I think selling toys to pay for damage they accidentally caused is a little overboard, but every parent is different.
I think leaving your children unattended for the amount of time it would take to cause THAT MUCH damage, then humiliating them, taking their picture while they’re holding the toys and crying, and posting it on the internet like it’s a trophy to show off for how TOUGH you are, is rediculous, and only served to make Mom look like an out-of-control @$$.
I’m nowhere near a perfect parent, but I always try to remember, when punishing my son, that I want him to remember what he did wrong, more than the way I handled it. If I traumatize him by screaming, hitting, etc, then he loses sight of what happened to get us into that situation in the first place. He learns more by thinking through what he did, calmly, and coming up with alternative ways to behave the next time.