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It’s normal (not that we know what normal is like) to feel let down after the holidays. Check out this blog to learn some ways to restore your pre-holiday happiness. Of course, a touch of wine helps too.

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Just when you think you know all the mental health categories (“I’ll take mental health issues for $50, Alex”), a new one crops up. The latest seems to be affecting young impressionable teenage girls around the country. It’s called Bieber Fever, and it’s causing young girls to unleash their virtual anger on any female who goes near Justin Bieber. See the article below. It’s another sad example of how times have changed. In her day, Patty was probably  afflicted by David Cassidy Fever, but we don’t recall her ever exhibiting such alarming behavior. No she channeled her love in a much more appropriate way. “Mom, can you tell Patty to get all those cut out pictures of David Cassidy out of our closet? Those candles she has in there are really creeping me out.”

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Some girls are blessed with stunning beauty. Some. with incredible intelligence. Others, with the talent for art.

Then, there’s us — Patty and Gina

We look our best on the radio, have been told by hundreds of people we are not that bright, and possess no talent for anything musical or artistic (though Patty likes to brag that she can play the spoons).

We were, however, blessed with one gift — the ability to find humor in anything. We realized this a few weeks ago when Gina had a scare with a routine mammogram and had to be called back to the hospital for additional tests. The mammogram technician, boob killer, or whatever you call her, kept calling Gina back into the room for additional pictures. (Gina learned the world of topless modeling is not all fun and games.) Worried, Gina called Patty to share the news. To her credit (which may or may not have anything to do with Patty’s desire to leave the house), Patty met Gina at the hospital and waited with her in the waiting room among all the other robe-clad woman. Sensing Gina’s nervousness, Patty did her best to calm her little sister down.

“Gene, you know this is not going to be cancer, right?”

“How do you know that?” Gina asked.

“Because, I see you dying more suddenly from stress. I can totally see you having a heart attack or stroking out.”

Gina laughed, “Ah, thanks, Sis. I think you’re right.”

Fortunately, Patty was. The mammogram turned out to be a calcium deposit, which is the only deposit Gina has made in quite some time.

A few days later, Gina had an opportunity to return the favor to Patty, who was very stressed out over her financial situation.

“I’m telling you Gene, if I don’t get a job, we may lose our insurance.”

“That’s awful, Pat. Do you have any job leads?”

“Well, I just applied to be a greeter at a funeral home.”

“I think you’re a shoe in. I’m sure dead people will find you very interesting.”

Our point, and we do have one, is that humor is a very powerful coping mechanism. It also has some healing benefits, which are highlighted in the link below from Beyond Blue. Check it out.

Tell us what makes you laugh.

Image by allaboutgeorge via Flickr

Travelers at Miami Airport got quite a scare recently when a can of hairspray exploded. Who knew hairspray could be so dangerous? We were both so free and careless with it in the 1980s when we sprayed a half-can of Aqua Net in our hair before we went out. I hate to think of how many people we could have harmed in smoke-filled, crowded nightclubs. Not to mention the fact that we’ve probably played a big role in causing global warming. Don’t worry; our reduced lung capacity is punishment enough.

Anyone who has a special child knows that stress is just a part of our everyday lives. And if you don’t believe that, here are some signs to prove it.

You Know You’re Stressed When…

• You want to buy an old fashioned hairdryer so you can sit under it to drown out the sounds of your family.
• You ask your friend the artist to make a chandelier for you out of your family’s empty prescription bottles.
• You and your husband fight over who goes to pick up milk.
• The only gift you ask for for Christmas is a neck massager.
• You chew through a carton of Fireball candies, nearly burning out your esophagus.
• You call your friends begging them to host Tupperware parties.
• Your child leaves you notes not to forget their birthdays.
• You think about committing a crime to get some alone time in jail.
• Your ADHD child tells  you that you have to stop forgetting things.

What are some signs that you are stressed?

If you’ve ever felt alone or abandoned by your friends because of your special child, you’ll want to check out this great blog post. Sound off and tell us if you agree.

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Finally some relief for those of us who worry about our imperfect housecleaning. We are not alone. It appears that the Playboy mansion (which probably has its share of topless french maids running around) smells of urine. I guess that’s what you get when you put too many bunnies in a house. We wonder what other kind of bunnies, “The Hef” is hiding in his house. We don’t know…maybe some dust bunnies.

It’s an American tradition. Now right up there with baseball, apple pie, and reality TV shows featuring stupid people behaving badly. It’s Walmart, the retailing giant. The place where hundreds of thousands of people flock to “Save Money and Live Better.” And though I’ve been known to shop there (it’s my husband’s favorite place), I’m just not buying any of it. For me, shopping at Walmart is not making me live better. It’s adding to my stress level, which as the crazed mother of two special needs children, I need about as much as I need a Ronco Food Dehydrater.

Just the other day, I decided  to stop there to pick up a replacement curtain rod. My husband, who knows the store better than our home, was happy to hear about my decision.

“Can I come, Gene?  Can I? Huh? Huh?

“No offense, Mike, but I want to make this a quick trip, and if you had your way we’d end up vacationing there. I’m just buying one thing and one thing only — a curtain rod.”

“OK, but I gotta warn you. They’re turning it into a Super Walmart. You know a Walmart on steroids. We can buy everything we need there, milk, bread, lettuce, etc.”

If he said they would be selling wine, I might have been impressed, but the thought of dealing with a double-size Walmart sent my blood pressure surging.

“Love ya, Mike. Gotta run! Bye!” I yelled racing out the door before he could catch up with me.

On the way out, I passed my neighbor, and stopped to say hello.

“Hey Gene, where ya goin’?”

“Oh, hey Juli. I’m just headed to Walmart.”

“You’re goin’ to Wal-Mart now?  Without me?”

“Do you want to come?” I politely asked, knowing that my plan for a quick trip had gone to Hell in a handbasket.

“Gene, why are you going now. It’s too light out. You’re supposed to go late at night. That way no one sees you buying cute clothes.”

“Well Juli, as much as I’d love to hit Wal-Mart After Dark with you; I have a curtain rod to buy, and I need it now.”

When I arrived inside, I was handed a smiling sticker from a woman who frowned at me. See I knew I wasn’t the only one who hated Walmart, I thought to myself.

I bypassed her and barreled around the corner, heading down the narrow aisles, which reminded me of my bowling days.

I had just reached Health and Beauty when I sideswiped a mother and her seventeen young children in a cart with a big red seating section. The cart was clearly too big for the store and I wasn’t even sure it was registered with the store.

“Sorry,” I said, knowing clearly that she was the one at fault, but not wanting to spend time filling out in-store traffic reports or give her time to be discovered by a personal injury attorney who was probably setting up shop next door in pet care.

My head started to pound and I continued on my way, barely slowing down to pick up a lifesize bottle of Excedrin for just $6.99. With the sign for Domestics up ahead, I raced on until I flew by a display advertising Pillow Pets for $14.99. I abruptly stopped the cart, causing a three-cart pile up behind me, and raced over to drop one into my cart.  (I had never seen them cheaper than $19.99) At Domestics, I picked up a curtain road, along with a new soap dish, three hand towels, and a new trash barrel for my bathroom.

A half hour later, I set out to the registers, where I raced to the shortest line, all the while getting dirty looks from the people around me. When it was my turn, the cashier turned to me and said, “Ma’am I can’t take you. This is the 25 item or less line and your cart is full.”

Image by Lindy Drew Photography via Flickr

If you have a child with dyslexia, you might just have a future artistic genius on your hands. Which is probably  why the Shut Up Sisters, who don’t have dyslexia, don’t have any artistic talent to speak of. (Don’t worry, we have plenty of other issues, which have not yet been diagnosed.) Check out this interesting article on DaVinci and Picasso, who were thought to have dyslexia. Then, go to your next cocktail party and work that into the conversation, “Yes, my little Johnny, along with Leonardo DaVinci and Pablo Picasso has dyslexia.”

When I was a kid, I loved Halloween.  Now that I’m an adult, I despise it. That’s because Halloween has become a major source of stress in my house. And as a working mother with two careers, two special needs children, two dogs, and two flights of stairs to vacuum, the last thing I need is more stress in my life.

I know, I know. I should like a holiday that brings such obvious joys to my two daughters and their dentist. (“Woohoo! The Gallagher kids have three cavities each. Let’s expand our office.”)

Here are just a few of the reasons I find Halloween hazardous to my health:

Tacky decorations. They say you don’t truly know someone until you live with them. This is certainly true in my case. Sure, I knew my husband of 19 years was a wonderful person who loved me. What I didn’t know is that he also had a burning love for tacky Halloween decorations. Each year, he and our girls go shopping for decorations together and fill my house with Halloween horrors. This year was no exception. One evening, I came home to find our nice family portrait replaced with a photo of some scary red-eyed vampire (it was no Edward Cullen) and my nice Southern Living candle centerpiece was replaced with a Not Living skull candelabra.

Outside, he filled the mulch beds with black cats and gravestones that quite honestly did not match our house).

He also had cobwebs placed in the corners of our family room, but for some reason (probably my lack of dusting skills), that didn’t bother me.

Costumes. I’ve said it before – Halloween is not for kids. It’s for trampy women looking for attention. Each year, I am amazed at the skimpiness of the costumes on the shelves – even the ones for children.

“How about this one, Mom?”

“That’s a very pretty cat costume Em if you were Jenna Jameson.”

What’s even worse is that my daughter is always trying to get me to dress up.

“Mom, please dress up with me!”

“Oh, Emmy, Mom’s not much into costumes.”

“But last year on your trip, you were a Heinken bottle and Aunt Patty was a daiquiri. I saw the pictures.”

Weight Gain Spiral. Halloween is the start of a very dangerous period for me – the season of weight gain. In starts off small with “Fun Size” Snickers. (Does anyone know how many Weight Watchers Points are in 35,000 of them) and goes right into the Christmas season.

This year, I’m planning to counter the weight gain with a return stint to Weight Watchers. But first I must lose 10 pounds.

Now that’s a scary thought.

Tired of people giving you strange looks or turning away in disgust when you take your special kids out in public? Check out the helpful advice in this article. If this doesn’t work, buy a squirt gun and soak ’em (just kidding, water violence is never the answer).

Just when we thought the Snuggie was the greatest invention ever, we receive this “uplifting” news about a new bra that’s hit the market — the emergency/gas mask bra. With our busy travel schedules, we were both looking for a safety bra that offers comfort, support, and compactness. Now we can have it all in one smart design that will have us flying the friendly skies with comfort and confidence. Check it out in this video. Best of all, we’ll each be able to save a lucky male passenger. Our mother was ecstatic when we shared the news. “Now, I don’t have to worry about you girls in the subways and on planes. Not to mention, you’ll both have better bustlines.”

Patty and Gina are proud to be part of an exciting new network, Family Network TV. We’ll host The Imperfection Connection. To learn more about the network, click on the article below.

Here’s an inspiring story from across the pond. Over the years, many of us have been told that our children would never be able to reach certain milestones, such as walking, talking, or even living to adulthood.  I was reminded of this, this past spring, when a dear friend’s special daughter graduated from high school.  At her graduation party, the child’s father got up and talked about everything his family had been through, and how his daughter, who had a heart condition and learning disabilities wasn’t supposed to live through her first few months. Today, that wonderful child is living away at college and loving every minute of it. This story is a reminder to us all to never stop believing in our children. Please pass this story on to any of your friends or family members who may be feeling beaten down by the people who want to remind us what our children won’t be able to accomplish.

To those who see us wait in long lines at the Pharmacy, frantically hurry to get our kid to a therapist appointment on time, or struggle with getting our kids on the school bus, our lives as parents of special children may not look all that inviting. But what most people don’t realize is the blessings our special children bring us that make our lives more fulfilling. We were reminded of this today when we found this beautiful article written by a mother of a special child. Please take a moment to read this link —  Do you remember… by — and pass it along to others.

Reference: Botox Could Ease Drooling Troubles by

Check out this great blog post about autism written by a successful adult with autism. It helps demystify some of the beliefs about autism. One belief  is that they don’t need love. While Gina’s daughter Katie is not as cuddly as some kids, she is extremely loving and compassionate.

Check out and post your comments. Oh yeah and share it with people in your life who don’t seem to understand autism.

Autism is found in adults at the same rate as kids. So where are the new cases coming from? They’re new diagnosis on the milder end, due to the definition of Asperger’s as a kind of autism without speech delay (it used to be that you couldn ‘t be ….. and the school was about to let me go into public school because I exceeded all of my goals in my IEP! I won’t explain the details (because there are too many), but since then, I’ve spent the last 8 years attempting to piece …

Check out this great story on Jennifer and Patty on CNN.com. After reading some of the comments, we’re amazed at how so many people could be so uninformed about mental illness. It just fuels us to work harder in our efforts to fight stigma. Let the Movement of Imperfection roll 0n (but first we need to cook dinner).

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/08/30/bipolar.kids/index.html?hpt=C2

For those of you just joining us, we thank you for becoming a member of our imperfect community. For those of you who know us, you know we’re not that bright. And while we may not be that bright, we are two of the luckiest not-so-bright people we know.

In celebration of our book being released, we were honored at two separate parties.
It was the culmination of family and friends gathered together to celebrate imperfection. Even our beloved Facebook “idol” Jackie flew up from the Sunshine State to attend the parties. We were stunned. We had to quickly check Facebook to see if the person standing in the driveway matched the profile picture.

“Whoa! Like that’s kinda sketchy.” remarked Patty’s daughter Jules.

And in all fairness to us, we really had no way of knowing that Jackie would be taking us by surprise but apparently everyone else did—including our mother.

“Ok, weren’t you guys just a little suspicious when we all became friends on Facebook?”

“Yeah, even your mother joined ‘Spacebook’.”

But Gina and Patty proved again the following day just how “not bright” they are. Patty was told her husband was taking her out to lunch, so she did what any good wife would do after coming home really late from the party the night before–she immediately placed a called to her sister while her husband went to get coffee.

“Michael wants to go out to lunch an hour away!! Does that make any sense? There are plenty of restaurants around here! Why lunch? Why can’t I sleep in and we go out to dinner instead?”

Gina was just as angry.

“Tell me about it. All of a sudden Mike has to go to a work party! How am I supposed to pack for my trip when I have to go to a work party? And you should see all the food he’s bringing. And Katie’s skirt is too short.”

So you can only imagine when Patty and Gina each walked in to their friend Rebecca’s house only to find their parents and another group of their beautifully imperfect friends on hand to surprise them.

“Aww, Pat, you know what this means?”

“Yes, it means we can’t trust anyone and that we really aren’t that bright.”

And while we know we aren’t that bright, we sure are lucky. To our beloved family and friends, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you for making this imperfect journey so memorable. You all have a special place in our heart and we will always treasure you. May God bless you.

Gina & Patty

Today Patty will be live on the air with Krys Boyd on KERA Radio in North Texas from 1-2:00 PM.  Krys’ show is called “Think.”We find this rather ironic as anyone who knows Patty, knows that she’s not all that bright.  To prove that she’s not that bright, she’s been shopping for an outfit to wear for this radio interview. This is a live call-in show so please if you’re going to call, make sure your questions aren’t too difficult for Patty to answer.  You may want to stick with the basics such as “What is your favorite color?” or “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”  Do not confuse her with such complex questions like, “What is the fastest land animal?”  If you could, please avail yourself so if the questions become too difficult, Patty can phone a friend.

Well, today we are on our way to our first television appearance to kick off our new book. We’re headed to West Hartford, CT, to visit the good folks at NBC 10. We had the privilege of visiting the station two years ago when we launched our self-published book. We remember it well. From the moment we walked in the door people were smiling at us and waving. We, were, of course, flattered and highly impressed.

“Wow Pat! Is it me or are they really excited to have us?”

“Oh, it’s definitely not just you. I noticed it too. In fact, I  think the weatherman just whistled at me.”

Yes, we were pretty convinced that we were the star attractions until Patty’s teen daughter, Jules, who accompanied us on the trip, had to burst our  respective bubbles.

“Like of course, they’re happy.  Duh! It’s Ice Cream Friday”  she said, pointing to a rolling ice cream cart.

Nonetheless, Jules’ newsflash did not deter us. “Well, that just makes this even sweeter.”

Happily, the interview went well, as we gathered when they presented us both with parting gifts. Patty was elated.  “A peppermint stick for me. That’s my favorite!  Thank you!”

But that was years ago. A lot has happened since then.  We’ve traveled around the country speaking with parents, caregivers, children,  and adults living with a wide range of disabilities. We’ve listened to their courageous and sometimes heartbreaking stories, and heard their voices when we were writing our new book.

As you would expect, we’re excited and a bit nervous. Excited because our television experience isn’t that extensive (save for our work on the Walmart security cameras). Nervous because we want to make sure that our message for the book rings loud and clear to parents who feel scared and alone. Yes, somewhere along our imperfect journeys, we realized this book isn’t just about us. It’s about all the amazing parents, grandparents,  caregivers, children, and teachers we’ve met along the way.

This one’s for you!

When we were young, we hated that popular childhood ritual known as the sleepover. That’s because we both have  always shared a mutual love of sleeping.

“Pat, I really like to sleep. I’m good at it.”

“I’m the same way, Gene. I think it’s why I might be OK with death.”

But anyone who ever been involved in a sleepover knows that they really have nothing to do with sleeping.

Even our younger children have learned this.

“Mommy, can Samantha come over for an awakeover?”

For a long time, we thought it was impossible to despise sleepovers any more than we did in childhood. But then we became mothers and learned to take our hatred to a whole new level of intensity.

Don’t get us wrong;  we’re not  opposed to all kinds of sleepovers. In certain situations, (such as those involving us sleeping away from our homes), sleepovers are not just warranted; they’re ideal. (“Girls Night Away? We’re in!”)

We’re also staunch supporters and advocates of  sleepovers that involve our children staying at other people’s houses.

“Quick Mike, let’s peel out of here before they change their minds.”

But there’s one type of sleepover we’ll always despise –  those that involve other children staying at our home.  That’s because our love of sleep is in direct contrast to the primary objective of sleepover attendees – to scream all night long and drive sleep-deprived parents to the brink of insanity.

As Christians and loving mothers, we’ve tried to work through our hatred, often posing a difficult question:

WWJD? What would June Cleaver Do?

Well, we can ascertain one thing. June would never, ever refuse to grant a special child a sleepover. When other kids want to play with a special child, you have no choice, but to cave. Yup, sometimes, you just have to  swallow your pride (and your Paxil) and take one for the imperfect team.

But that doesn’t stop us from working our hardest to ensure we (err, we mean the children) get a fitful night of sleep.

“OK kids, who wants a Sominex Smoothie?”

“Mrs. Gallagher why do you have those whale sounds playing in  Emmy’s room?”

As much as we’ve tried, none of these and other clever  strategies (tranquilizer guns, Benadryl brownies, bedtime reading of our mortgage deed) seem to work. Invariably, the kids end up staying up all night, leaving us to pick up the pieces of our life, the  morning after.

“OK kids, thanks for coming. Great to have you. Here’s your breakfast.  Just be sure to eat your pancakes before they melt the paper bag.”

The signs are all there. As much as we hate to admit it, our kids are growing up. Now, instead of rolling Play Doh, they’re rolling their eyes.  Instead  of dressing Barbie, they’re dressing like Barbie. (“Katie, that skirt is way too short. It’s a school call waiting to happen.”) Instead of playing Operation, they’re asking for one (“Hey Mom, my nose is so big. Can I get it fixed?”).

While most mothers of special needs kids would be thrilled to see maturity in their kids, Gina is struggling with it. For her, it’s a painful reminder that her two daughters, ages 15 and 11, are growing apart from her and that she can no longer do the things she used to love to do with them.

Things like watching a favorite TV show (“OK, who wants to watch Arthur with Mom?”) or giving them special attention to comfort them.

“Katie, what’s that on your face? Come here and let Mommy kiss it.”

“Mom, it’s a zit. Get away from me. You’re a freak.”

One of the hardest things for Gina to accept is that she can no longer fabricate “white lies” to protect them.

“Emmy, great news! I just got the notice. Your school wants you to attend summer camp.”

“Camp? That’s not a camp. It’s summer school!  Duh! I’m not stupid.”

Her older sister is even more  savvy about uncovering Gina’s lies, which is particularly troubling since she often outs Gina.

“Mommy, remember our cat Felix? What happened to him?”

“Oh Emmy, he was just so active. We sent him to a farm where he could get the exercise he needs.”

“Emmy, don’t believe her. There’s no such thing as ‘the farm.’ Felix bit the big one.”

What’s even more disturbing is that they’ve started to develop probing skills and now ask me questions about my life. But I guess I probably should show my maturity and tell them the truth.

“Hey Mom, have you ever been drunk?”

“Yes. Drunk on love for the two of you.”

Money Matters (unless you’re my kid)

Over the years, it’s amazed me how much my two daughters with disabilities have matured. (“Mommy, I shaved my arms. Want to see?”) They’re able to stay home alone, do their own homework, cook, and even clean (when forced at gunpoint). There is, however, one area that they haven’t matured as quickly as I would like – financial literacy. In fact, their lack of knowledge about the value of money would probably make Suze Orman’s hair stand up on end (if it wasn’t that way already).

My soon-to-be 15-year old, for example, is a graduate of the Madoff school of money (as she’s made off with more of my money than I can count.)

“Katie, do me a favor. Take this $5 and buy me a newspaper.”

“OK, but only if I can keep the change.”

Her little sister, Emily, age 11, isn’t much better. She has trouble understanding the downside of having a self-employed mother.

“Mom, can I have $10 to go to Claire’s?”

“Sorry Em, Mom doesn’t have any money. I haven’t received a check in 3 weeks, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 9 seconds.”

“But, Mom, just go to the ATM. It will give you money.”

Fortunately, I’ve found a solution to help my older daughter understand the value of money. She, of course, has other plans.

“Katie when you turn 15, Mommy is going to take you to the Sudbury Farms supermarket to get you a job.”

“Oh, no! I’m not milking anything.”

And though she struggles with understanding the value of money, her younger sister, Emily, understands the joy and rewards of philanthropy.

“Mommy, how about we take the neighborhood out for lunch?”

“My friend Lucy was feeling sad, so I told her we’d buy her an American Girl doll.”

In both their defenses, they are sometimes sympathetic when I express concern over their spending and the drain it puts on our family.

“Mom, you’re right. I do ask for too much. I’m going to start helping this family save money. From now on, when we go to McDonald’s I don’t want you to SuperSize my order.”

I’m sure, they’ll surprise me someday and master the skills they need. If not, I’ll just have to pray they do.”

“Katie Honey, that $20 I just passed you was for the church basket that just went by.”

So you’re imperfect, huh? You must be if you came to this site. It doesn’t matter whether you came looking for this site or stumbled up on it (proof that you’re an imperfect typist). The important thing is that you’re here. And not alone.

We’re your hosts, Patty and Gina, and we’re sisters. In some circles, we’re known as Lucy and Ethel or Mary Kate and Ashley (though we actually smile). Personally, we prefer Laverne and Shirley, since we both share a love of breweries and bowling.  (Gina also loves to wear a big G on her sweaters.)

We want you to feel like this is your imperfect home. A place where you can come to talk about the imperfect journey known as parenting. It doesn’t matter whether your child has a disability or not or whether you’re a parent at all.  The ride of life is filled with unexpected twists and turns and highs and lows. We’d be honored to have you share your ride with us – and all who come along with us.

We also encourage you to visit our Facebook fan page, simply by typing Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid. )Make sure you click on the new white book, not the orange one, which is no longer in print. )There, you’ll connect with parents from all walks of life who openly admit that life isn’t always perfect. They’ll answer questions for you, share stories, but mostly, let you know you’re in good company.

And here, we’ll blog about our joys and challenges in not just parenting, but in life. We’ll talk about our kids, make you laugh (mostly at us), and of course,  remind you that you’re not alone, even when you think you are.

We promise you’ll never be bored. Cause as we always like to say.  Life on the “Imperfect Side” is so much more interesting.